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Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Shampoo Suicide
I've neglected this place a bit, haven't I?
I just have no clue what to post about that isn't all "boo hoo" and "woe is me," which I would rather not post because the last thing I need is a blog with a fucking awesome title like "I'm so Goth I Punched A Carebear" to be this emo bitch and moan haven. It's just wrong!
My life is a jam packed non-stop rollercoaster of fucking incessant yawning and dronery, so it's not like I've got anything worthwhile to write about from that arena, unless of course babbeling on and on about how much I hate the dating world is a legitimate topic, because I can bitch about that like nobody else can.
Seriously.
My love life resembles that montage in an uber chick flik where the leading man and leading woman split apart for god knows what reason and try the whole dating thing again, and it's just disaster after disaster. Most people watch those scenes and think "That never happens in reality," I sit there and say "Oh! I dated a guy who did that, except he expected me to put out after he did x, y, and z and then, when I didn't, he got super pissed off and launched into a fit of yelling that I'm an std infested whore right there in the bar!"
Yup, that happened to me. That would be the last guy I went out with, and it wasn't just the bar he took me to for the date, it was the bar I work at, and it just so happens that I offered to drive him home when I got off work because his friends left him there. Apparently I should have invited him to stay over. Oops. So, up on the bar--my bar--he got, stood tall and oh so prou, and started to point at me, all the while screaming that I'm the most cold hearted bitch he's ever met, that I'm a complete and total skank, that I'm probably std ridden, and that he has to go get an std test after sleeping with me.
We never slept together. So, either he got the wrong bitch or he lost all distinction between me and his right hand.
He did apologize. Of course, his apology consisted of "I'm sorry, but I was drunk and you were being a total bitch to me." So heartfelt and sweet huh? Needless to say I opted to be a total bitch to him and never talk to him again, and when he didn't get that hint after ignoring him for two months and he still continued to call I placed an ad for him on a gay personals website. He turned out to be very popular and got a ton of phone calls, so I'm thinking he should really consider switching teams because he won't get very far with women if that's how he usually deals with them.
Anyway, he was one of the better idiots I've had the pleasure of dating. At least that whole situation makes me laugh my ass off, and at least I got the fun of placing a gay ad for him.
I've had a guy follow me home after ending an evening (he ended it, no I) because he thought he could get some. One guy I went out with actually made me pay. No, not pay for myself--which I'm more than fine with and prefer because I really don't think it's a guys job to make sure I'm fed and have a drink in my hand, especially because I drink a lot--but pay for both of us.
Another guy neglected to share the fact he's married, until his wife showed upon our third date to have a "talk" with him. She and I ended up talking, and are still friends. Go figure. One guy gawked and got fairly offended when I placed what we "had" in the casual sex department, and then flat out said he could never get truly serious with me on account of the fact I'm moving fromt his shithole in two years.
Men: when a woman puts casual sex on the table with a big fucking green light, you take it and throw it in cop mode. Run like you just stole a 65'' plasma screen tv and the cops are right behind you, because even if you want something more with her, or even if you just want her as a booty call, she's giving you the green light to do whatever the fuck you want with the promise of not getting super pissed off at anything you do (or do not do).
Please note this only applies to women who are sane. Psycho bitches are psycho bitches, no matter what I say or what they say, and you should take heed accordingly.
And, that's it. This is the first and last time I'll ever bring up the circus I lovingly call my dating life on this blog. Promise.
I swore off dating a month ago, anyway.
kitty kat spoke at 12:21 PM
and
11 people united to combat the evil fucking care bear stare
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