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Sunday, October 08, 2006
I Really Should Be The Walrus.
Goo Goo Gajoob Yo.
First and foremost, I'd like to allow you the opportunity to formally welcome me to this lovely little world we entitle blogland. Go ahead. Make it rather speedy, and make sure you mention how awesome I am at least twice. Got it? Excellent.
Next, I'd like to extend a heartfelt middle finger to Kitty for picking a most homosexual picture of me to post on the site. As pay back it was my initial idea to tell a rather embarrassing story of Ms. Kitty. Perhaps the one about drunkenly stripping on a bar at a frat party and being caught by an older brother at the tender age of 14, or maybe I could delve into that one time when she totally fell flat on her face as she smiled, took her diploma, and turned towards the camera at our high school graduation. I could talk about how she got ditched three times in one night by three separate guys, and had to call me at 2am to pick her up, or about the numerous times I've had to roll on down to the county jail and pick her ass up because drunk tank seems to be her best drinking buddy.
But then I realized she took time out of her surfing and sun bathing to comply with my wish for a less homotastic template. It's a bit slap dash, but I think it's rather awesome for a rough go. The bubbles make me tingle. So, I'm really left with nothing to talk about and have opted, instead, to write a story. Get comfty, boys and girls.
She stood there. Rather pissed off, rather unsure of what to do, and completely enraged. She could not understand why this scrawny little boy would not comply with her wishes. It was simple enough: Get out of the swing. The repercussions where simple enough, too: Pain. Yet, there he was, swingingly gaily and freely without so much as a care in the world. Afterall, who listens to girls, let alone girls who just moved into town.
So there they were. Him, swinging with the greatest of ease. Her, standing with her hands on her hips staring at him with the now dubbed "non-look death stare," absolutely fuming over the situation. And there was entire elementary school, standing around Him and Her awaiting and hoping for confrontation.
"That's my swing!"
"Not right now it's not. It's my swing now."
"Well get your disgusting scrawny butt out of my swing. It's mine, and I want to use it now."
"No."
"I'm not asking you to do it, I'm telling you to get OFF. OF. MY. SWING!"
And then he said those two words that has passed everyone's lips at one point or another, either in sarcasm or expected confrontation. He looked down at her from the swing as he glided up into the air and said "Make me!"
She did. With the precision of Mr. Miagi's fly catching chop sticks, she stared at him while he went up into the air and back, watching his motion for about two minutes, and then she leaped. She leaped straight onto him. She knocked him right out of the swing, had him on the ground and was sitting on his chest and punching him in the face. Immediately, a few of the onlooking children ran to the surrounding play grounds to round up her brothers, and as brother number one, two, three, and four arrived to witness her giving the thrashing of a lifetime, they all stood back smiling and said "That's my baby sister." It wasn't long before a teacher saw what was going on and split the two apart.
She walked away with an in-school suspension, he walked away with a broken nose and an in-school suspension. What other end result could there be, other than to have two kids who just had an altercation spend an entire week in the same room for eight hours a day?
She walked away with a reputation for being a bad ass, he walked away with an understanding of what it means to be humble, and they both walked away with a friendship that knows no limits, no bounds, and no time frame. And for those who didn't get it, that's how I met Kitty. Luckily for her I had a deviated septum and had to get my nose done anyway, otherwise my godly and awesome profile may have come between us.
good'n'very plenty spoke at 3:21 AM
and
12 people united to combat the evil fucking care bear stare
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